this is where i will be staying for the weekend

The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel has been proudly disappointing travellers for forty years. Boasting levels of comfort comparable to a minimum-security prison, the Hans Brinker also offers some plumbing and an intermittently open canteen serving a wide range of dishes based on runny eggs.

Other Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam services and amenities include: 
- A basement bar with limited light and no fresh air. 
- A concrete courtyard where you can relax and enjoy whatever sunshine is able to pass the high buildings on either side on the extremely infrequent days when it’s actually sunny. 
- An elevator that almost never breaks down between floors. 
- A bar serving slightly watered down beer. 
- Amusing witticisms and speculations about former guests’ sexual preferences scrawled on most surfaces. 
- The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam Luxury Ambassadorial Suite (featuring the Hans Brinker’s one and only bath-tub). 
- Doors that lock. 

Legal note: The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel does offer cheap accommodation in Amsterdam but cheap accommodation herein describes ‘inexpensive relative to others in the sector’ but not (under hotel regulations & guides the Netherlands brief #4569. 67887. 89) ‘good’ accommodation or indeed ‘pleasant,’ ‘hygienic’ accommodation or any derivation thereof. Those wishing to stay at the Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam, do so at their own risk and will not hold the hotel liable for food poisoning, mental breakdowns, terminal illness, lost limbs, radiation poisoning, certain diseases 

Where to stay in Amsterdam?

Where to stay in Amsterdam? Where to stay in Amsterdam? Where-oh-where to stay in Amsterdam? This question has been known to keep young visitors to the city awake almost as frequently as an improperly ingested dose of Holland’s most famous plant-based product. 
After conducting a non-scientific poll of travel experts, we discovered the definitive answer to this most vexing of queries. The results are, in order of popularity:

1. Hotel L’Europe. 
2. Hotel Krasnapolsky. 
3. Intercontinental Hotel, Amsterdam. 
4. Amstel Hotel. 
5. Hire an apartment.
6. Hire a houseboat. 
7. B&B. 
8. A friend’s couch. 
9. A campsite. 
10. Waiting room, Central Station. 
11. A sleeping bag by the side of the motorway. 
12. Back of burned-out car. 
13. Under a bail of hay. 
14. In an abandoned mine shaft. 
15. The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam. 
16. An unmarked grave.

 “The best cheap youth hostel I’ve stayed in since my sentence was suspended.” 
- Michael, New York.

IS IT BAD THAT IM EXCITED?! AHA!